


I don't deserve her

by bisexualbrucewayne



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, No Dialogue, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 15:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6616387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualbrucewayne/pseuds/bisexualbrucewayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was the third time that he had seen her at the bar. Alone. She was always there alone. And she always wore that red dress that fit her perfectly. She always looked like she was waiting for someone, but she always went home alone. He had almost asked her once or twice what she was doing there and who she was waiting for. But he never did. It didn’t feel like his place to ask. He didn’t have the right to ask.</p><p>--<br/>An in depth look on how Jack sees Peggy</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't deserve her

**Author's Note:**

> Found this whilst organising my computer, wrote this sometime during season one of agent carter and thought I should share it :) Hope you like it xx
> 
> Originally posted on tumblr

This was the third time that he had seen her at the bar. Alone. She was always there alone. And she always wore that red dress that fit her perfectly. She always looked like she was waiting for someone, but she always went home alone. He had almost asked her once or twice what she was doing there and who she was waiting for. But he never did. It didn’t feel like his place to ask. He didn’t have the right to ask.

He admired her, he truly did. He might not let it show, nor would he ever admit it to anyone, but he did. He had told her once that she would never get the respect that no one would ever value her as a person. That she was doing a man’s job and she did not belong there. He didn’t believe one word of it. Because Peggy Carter belonged there more than any man, more than him. She was the best agent in the whole damn office yet no one even noticed her. It's a shame really. He’s no better then the rest, he doesn’t treat her as an equal. No one in the office does it. Agent Sousa might think he does, but he treats her like she’s the lady and he’s the gentleman. But she is so much more then that. She walks with her head held high, without shame. 

He had seen her in action in Russia. She was the leader then, not him. Dooley might have put him in charge, but she was the one doing the leading. She had saved his life back then. He’s still not sure why. After how he treats her, he can’t quite understand why she would save his life. But he’s grateful and that’s why when Dooley gives him all the credit he can’t take it. Because she did it all. He sees the flicker of disappointment on Dooleys face. But he also sees the smile on Carter's and it makes worth it. 

When it comes out that she is a traitor, he doesn’t want to believe it. When he has his gun in her face, he’s not sure if he could pull the trigger if it would come to that. And in the moment he can’t do it and he ends up passed out. When he wakes up he realises that it’s true, Peggy Carter is a traitor. When he asks Sousa if he knew about it. He’s hoping that Sousa would come clean and admit that it’s just a prank. It stings. Even though he never showed her how much he cares for her, it stings that she betrayed him. He knows he has no right to think like that. That this is as much of him fault that it is Carters. He could have treated her the way he knows she deserves to be. But the looks from Dooley when he does, hits to close to home. So he stops and treats her the way that's expected of him. It makes him hate himself, that he is so weak. He tells himself that Carter is strong and that she can take it. But he knows that that’s what he tells himself to feel better about it. 

When it turns out that she in fact isn’t a traitor he feels relief. When he then takes full credit for all the things that went down. The weight that just had eased returns. He turns back and looks at her before he does it. But she knows just as well as he does what the next words out of his mouth will be. She looks understanding, that smile she gives him. She knows how that system works and so does he. He sees the glance one of the men gives Carter. The raised eyebrow against him, the judgement. If he gives Carter all the credit, he wont be taken serious again. But he would be taking credit for something he didn’t do. But he does it anyway, its better that way. When he leads that men towards his new office he glances at Carter. Her face is unreadable and he wishes he could know what she was thinking. It’s most likely about how much she hates him, not that he blames her. He can see that Sousa is angry and the acceptances that they had grown was gone just like that. He felt alone, but he knew that it was by his own doing. 

So when he sees her at the bar for the forth time. This time in a purple dress instead of the usual red, he knows something has changed. She no longer looks like she’s waiting for someone. She looks relaxed and relived. It makes him smile, that maybe she’s happy. That’s all he ever wanted for her, to be happy. He knows he can’t be that person that makes her happy. He’s toxic. He cant go to bed without a bottle of bourbon and he’s an ass most of the time. He was not the kind of guy that Peggy Carter deserves.

**Author's Note:**

> come and talk to me on tumblr @spacegayys


End file.
